For example, explaining menstruation to a pre-adolescent girl or wet dreams to a boy before they occur prepares the child for the onset of such experiences. What Do We Do Now? Applying firm but loving consequences and boundaries, and much needed grace and forgiveness to your circumstances will begin a healing process for your family. And make sure you don't dishonor the other person by acting on the attraction or thoughts. If the thoughts keep happening and you get concerned about it, feel free to talk to me. One father shared how this impacted his children. First, before the wedding children watch as their parent goes through a period of dating and developing romance.
Try to remove temptations. We can teach our children to protect one another's honor and their own so that the gift of sexuality can be enjoyed later in its proper marital context. Sexuality outside God's boundaries erodes relationships and creates a sin barrier between God and us. But whether easy or difficult, such conversations must take place. Are there other siblings who are aware of the situation? Set boundaries rules governing behavior that teach family members to honor one another. Teenagers, in particular, can overlook how their dress invites others to see them in sexual ways, or consider them a symbol of sexuality. Spend lots of time talking as a couple to make sure you have the same expectations for the children, then communicate them to your child. However, non-sexual touches can take on sexual implications, especially for teens whose psychological boundaries are not strong. What About Everyone Else? Helping children learn from their decisions sometimes involves punishment. Why or why not? Unfortunately some parents rely on scare tactics to encourage sexual purity before marriage. In The Smart Stepfamily I devoted an entire section to discussing the dynamics surrounding intra-family sexuality in stepfamilies. First, before the wedding children watch as their parent goes through a period of dating and developing romance. This will not be a one-time conversation. In other words, once kids have had sex, doing so again becomes a lot easier. And what about affections between other family members? I won't be angry. But romance doesn't stop there. Respecting privacy and valuing the specialness of each family member is an important message for everyone to learn. This occurs for a number of reasons. Let me summarize those key points here: We have asked for help from our youth pastor and have talked with the kids about their decision, but we know this has changed our family forever. What do we do now?
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